badbastion | Entries tagged with state of the bb

How is everybody doing? I haven't posted in over a week, I think, and that feels like so long when for a while I was posting like, every other day.

I'm doing fine : ) Due to a schedule mixup, I have four days off in a row! \o/ I'm gonna be SWIMMING ALL THE TIME.

I've now managed to lose 13 pounds, through a combination of tracking my food on MyFitnessPal and exercising more. If you're on MFP and want to be friends, just friend me and I'll friend you back : ) My username there is imlikat. Or you could leave me your username here, and I'll go find you!

I've signed up for two stories for the wipbigbang. (I've already got work done on the first story, and I just now signed up for the second one and am waiting for conformation/draft) They're in fandoms I've never drawn for, so it's both scary and exciting. I just need to branch out a little bit, I think that there actually is such a thing as drawing too much SPN porn, lol. That, combined with my depression, pretty much killed my drive to draw. But it feels so good to be drawing again!

The wipbigbang still has something like 15 stories in various fandoms that need artists. They're on Round 5 (5!!!) of claiming, so if they don't get claimed now, they might not get art : ( You can go to this post here to check out summaries for stories that have yet to be claimed. Go! See if there's anything you might want to art for : )

My medication finally seems to be working like it's supposed to : D I've felt... actually kind of normal for the last few weeks. Not too depressed, not too manic, just somewhere in between. So, normal, lol. It's a nice feeling, and it's one I'm cherishing while it's here, because I know my diseases, and I know tomorrow could see me balls to the wall manic or deathly depressed with no warning. lol, balls to the wall, what kind of saying is that?

SO, how are you, f-list?

Hello friends!

It has been a loooong time since I've posted to LJ. I hope none of you have worried; I've gotten two emails asking about me, and I'm okay! I'm alive and healthy. My boyfriend and cats are alive and healthy. I don't have any art or fics to post - I have two commissions, but they're Destiel, and one is private, and I'm not sure if I want to share those with the general viewing public.

My only problem is my depression. It seems like, no matter what meds I'm on, the depression will. not. go. away. It's frustrating as hell. I'm on Prozac now instead of... something, I can't remember what they took me off of last... but it's killing me. I don't want to draw, I don't want to write, I don't want to do anything but sleep. I've been sleeping 12-14 hours a day, which I hate, but that's the only thing I can do right now. I have an appointment with my meds doc in 2 weeks, but I don't want to switch meds, because I'm afraid things will get even worse :/

I'm seriously behind on commissions and auction works, but I do plan on getting those done relatively soon.

Sooo yeah, I'm alive. But struggling. I haven't been on LJ much lately, haven't really had the time to spend here. How are you guys doing? Have I missed anything important?

I drank some coffee because I was tired but couldn't sleep, so I wanted to livestream, but I didn't want to pass out within 30 minutes of starting. However, my internet's acting up, so I couldn't livestream. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

I have an idea for an original story I want to write, but I don't know where to start. I know that excessive exposition infodump isn't the best way to begin a story, but I'm so used to fanfic, where everybody knows the world you're writing in, and you don't need to explain things. I guess I'll go on a "how to write o-fic tips" search soon.

Being good at art continues to elude me. I have been drawing every day, however, even if it's just for a few minutes, so I'm hoping something will catch on soon in my brain and I can get to my commissions.

Thanks for all the love on

milly_gal's love meme <3<3<3 It's really made my days! :D

I guess I'm gonna read a little bit and try to get some sleep. Good night f-list!

Good news! My boyfriend will be getting his first disability check at the first of next month :)

We don't know when he's getting his backpay, but it's not going to be much as he's not getting much monthly (but enough to get us by! \o/) The backpay's going toward work on our car, which is fine, because the car needs the work and we wouldn't be able to do it otherwise :)

Thanks to all you kind and giving souls who helped us out through our time of trouble. Without your generosity, I don't know where we'd be right now. Or how we'd get there.

In other news, I've been very depressed for months now. I had a few days where I thought I was starting to see the light, but nope, back in the hole. I'm not going to talk too much about that, but it *has* been affecting my drawing (if you've noticed, I haven't been a posting machine lately.) I've been hardcore artblocked for a couple of months. /o\

So commissions are taking longer than expected. Those of you who have commissioned me, please be patient - I never intended to just take the money and run. I may have to do some self-indulgent arting to get the juices to flow again, if they will flow anytime soon, so if you see non-commissioned stuff pop up, that's what's going on.

If you commissioned me and you'd like a refund because you don't want the wait, that's entirely understandable, and I'd be happy to work with you. Just send me a PM or an email. Though please bear in mind that you may not be the only one wanting a refund, so I may have to spread them out over time or set up payment plans, and I won't be able to send out any money back until next month. I hope that'll work out okay with everyone involved.

In OTHER other news, I can't wait for the Hellatus to be over! Only one more month! :D The Darkness, here we come!

Thank you SO MUCH everyone, for the birthday messages and comments and picspam and v-gifts and delicious fic. I had a good day :) I got steak and broccoli and cake and a balloon and a brand new, loud and strong as fuck box fan, and my panic attack at the restaurant was only very mild and short, lol, and I managed not to cry! I think this was the first birthday in 10 years I didn't cry for some reason or another. So it went down as an A+ day for me :D:D:D

Yesterday I ate my leftovers and some more cake, and cleaned the house some, and tried unsuccessfully to work on commissions. I did finish a podfic, though. And I got all my laundry done.

I've got alot of crap to do tomorrow, including picking up meds, going to the food stamps office for an appointment, cleaning the house better because I think our A/C's going out and we're going to have to get the maintenance men in poking around, so. And there's no way we can deal with no air in June in southern Arkansas, so we've got to get them in ASAP. And, I need to get back to work on commissions after all that.

But no cleaning today. I need a day to recharge and do like, nothing. I'll probably do some of the nothingat my mom's house, where their air works and they keep it nice and cool. I might do a livestream later, or in a few minutes, depending on when I want to go over there. Just some random stuff probably, maybe porn, idk. I might try to draw and find out that nothing comes out, but at least for once it'll be at a decent hour, lol! Instead of 3 am when I can't sleep haha

First off, let me thank my flist SO MUCH for using LJ-cuts for spoilery talk. I haven't seen the finale yet - will see it tomorrow, I think - and being able to look at LJ without being spoilered has been FANTASTIC. You guys are the best.

Now here's what the post is about. Last night I was recording some podfic and having quite a bit of fun with it, and then I hit a snag where I stumbled over the same phrase about ten times. For a second, I was like WHY DO I EVEN PODFIC WHEN I CAN'T EVEN TALK RIGHT!! I got over it quickly, because I remembered that that's actually why I podfic! :)

( This got pretty dang rambly, lol. )

So if you've ever wondered where my accent is from, it's from Texas. I actually hear it sometimes, in the way I say "I" and a few other words, and sometimes when I do voices, especially Dean's. For all I know, it actually does sound like a Texas accent, and I've been silly for worrying about it all my life. ...Or, for all I know, I still "talk funny," I've just gotten over worrying about it through podficcing.

If you've ever left a kind comment about my podfics or my voice, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I treasure these comments, not just because I get fewer comments on my podfic than on anything else (that's just the way podficcing goes) but because you're telling me hey, you don't sound funny! You sound good enough for me to tell you so! It makes me happy :D

Now I'm curious about my podficcing flisties. Why did you get into reading podfic?

The "Yawn" has nothing to do with the Love Meme!

( a little rambling, some personal stuff )

The love meme has really been a nice boost though, oh man, and it's really helped me out <3 Thank you for all the kind things you've said! It's such a beautiful idea, and I love reading all the comments everyone leaves for everyone. I need to go and look at it again and see who else has posted since last I checked. If you're in there and I missed you, I still love you! I love all you guys <3 The SPN community is so wonderful :)

Firstly, and most importantly, the lovely, talented and generous dolavine/

dolnmoon is having surgery soon, and won't have enough money to cover bills. She's helped me and many other people out in the past but she's in a bind now, so if you can help even a little, here's her GoFundMe page where you can donate or find more info.

Secondly, oh man I am biting my fingernails for the spn-j2-bigbang claims! I can't wait to see all the prompts that go up on Friday. I'm usually onn the art side of these, so it's a new kind of excitement for me, being a writer this year, and a new kind of nervousness, hoping someone will pick our story! I can't wait, ahhhh!

Thirdly, hi, how have you all been? I've not been around much as I was having a really rough time of it for a while, but I've been doing better lately :) Now I'm working on draft revisions and commissions, so I'm keeping busy. Plus I've started to go to Zumba twice a week, and it's fun, even if I can't get through the whole hour yet. I am out of shape, lol.

So I'm off to Zumba right now. If I'm in the mood, there may be a livestream later. o/

I'm sick as a dog and my cold medicine is interacting strangely with my meds and keeping me awake and in a weird mood.

Every time I make instant oatmeal, I fill up the measuring cup thing and think "Thank god for surface tension" then I spill some water pouring it into the pot anyway.

I can't find any good prompts on the kink meme.

Still drawing every day, but not anything worth posting for the past several days. But

wedraweveryday is flourishing, and you should check it out if you haven't already. I'm happy with the way it's going :)

I'm probably about to livestream, so stop in if you want :) Here's the link: http://www.livestream.com/badbastion
There will probably be naked girl!Dean, or there may be some normal wincest porn. Or I may just draw a portrait or do some rough sketches. Probably NSFW as usual.

Done livestreaming, thanks for coming! :)

Current Music: BT - 13 Angels on My Broken Windowsill | Powered by Last.fm

I have one major one that I intend to keep:

DRAW EVERY FREAKING DAY.

I suffered so much through last year's art block that I'm determined not to let it get the better of me this year. I did the Draw Every Day thing in 2009, and it was really cool to look back every few months and see actual progress being made. I don't pressure myself to make a finished work every day, or even anything presentable - it just has to be at least a doodle, or some coloring. I actually have a tumblr for it: http://bbdrawseveryday.tumblr.com/ This is where I'll post my sketches and WIPs and doodles that deserve to see the light of day. 5 days in now, and I'm going strong. 5 days, and I think that's more days than I drew in the last three or four months of 2014. GONNA DO IT. I even bought new pencils and a new clipboard and everything.

My secondary resolution is to keep up a little better with my flist. There are so many cool and talented people that I watch, and I always skim through and think, "I'll comment on this later," and I never get around to it. This needs to change. I want to be more involved with fandom and the awesome people in it, and the only way to do that is to get out there and talk to them.

What are your NY resolutions, flist? Anybody want to join me in drawing every day? We can create a comm and everything, for doodles and sketches and WIPs and encouragement, if enough people are interested.

Hello all!

It's so great being back home that I've been neglecting my online activities. I've tried to skim through my flist, and I've bookmarked a few fics to read, but other than that I've been going to the beach and hanging out with my family and stuff. It's so great :D

There are, however, not-so-great things about being out in public. One of them is that in the South (and probably everywhere else) people are opinionated and feel entitled to share their opinions with complete strangers, no matter how offensive @_@ So I went with my sister to Boy Scout camp to pick up a nephew's fishing rod that he lost, and while I was waiting, I stepped out of the car to smoke and had this awkward conversation with another smoking man.

( under the cut for hateful language and talk of sexuality )

Commissions! I'm working on them. Life got really busy last week, but I'll be putting my nose to the grindstone this week and getting some serious progress made. If you're reading this, feel free to prod me in a week if you want to know where I am with your commission. Otherwise, if I don't have a rough sketch or any progress to show you within a week's time, I'll email you and let you know I haven't forgotten you. Even if you're not reading this, lol.

One more thing! I have a very special place in my heart for this meme, because it was here that I posted my first two pictures and my first fic in the SPN fandom. It's a great meme and it produces some wonderful fanworks, and I think EVERYBODY should take part in it.

A Dean-focused h/c comment fic & art meme
[Click on the image to go to the meme.]

Banner courtesy of

kalliel

Go Go Prompt and Fill! :D

Hello friends!

I really have been absent a lot, and it's always art block and/or depression (usually both) that kind of shuts me down. I'm feeling a little better these days (got off a medication that it turns out was actually depressing my system, instead of the way it was supposed to work, lol) and I've been trying to get back into the swing of drawing.

I'm also feeling drawn to some of my old fandoms, and some new stuff I've been reading and watching, and when I made this account, i did it to kind of compartmentalize my fandom life. Before SPN, I was primarily into anime/manga/illustrated fandoms for years, and that's what I feel myself gravitating towards right this minute. That, and OCs, which feel like fit better in that category. So I'll be spending some time at my old account. I'm not abandoning SPN at all! We're just kind of seeing other people, haha. I've also been watching Teen Wofl, so who knows if there will be TW fan stuff happening at this account.

If you're interested in following my other stuff, I'm at

imlikat on LJ, imlikat on tumblr, and imlikat on y!gallery (you have to have a y!gallery account to access that last one.) So the plan is that I'll be around here, I'll be around there, and I hope to be more in contact with my friends at both accounts :)

I hope all of you had a safe and happy NYE, and that you're not feeling too bad today, haha. Mine was spent quietly, watching Spiderman cartoons and eating chicken. Yawn, so boring.

I'm excited about my NY resolution, though. This year I'll be drawing every day! \o/ Even if it's just some garbage doodle, the goal is to get pencil to paper or stylus to tablet for at least 10 minutes a day. I did this in 2009 and for most of 2010 and it helped me a lot. I'm going to try to do some more varied stuff than just dudes in various states of undress, because I think that's why I've been stagnating lately. I love me some dudes, but after a while it starts to feel like every picture is just more of the same.

I've got a tumblr set up in case you want to see what I'm doing: bbdrawseveryday. I'll just copypaste the description here:

hello! i am badbastion

i plan to draw every day in 2014. I'm not posting most of these to my main blog, and I imagine some of them will be sketchy messes, some will be landscapes and still-lifes and figure studies (i hope!), and some will be other fandoms (including some anime/manga and comics, maybe) and some will be good old fashioned SPN porn, haha.

It goes without saying, I think, that this will be a NSFW blog. boy parts and girl parts, which i will tag as boy parts and girl parts in case you don't want to see one or the other.

some days i may just post a WIP thumbnail or short text post saying what i worked on that day, to keep myself honest.

i also have a twitter account set up, to which i'll be crossposting some of these, if you prefer that site.

if you want to watch while i muddle through broadening my art knowledge base and relearning anatomy, that would be amazing.

I'll probably occasionally make art dump posts here, of the things that i really liked. Who knows how often that will be, though.

I've also made some goals for myself, not quite resolutions so that they don't feel high-pressure. In 2014 I want to treat my body better by eating healthier and moving more and watching my blood sugar more closely, and I want to stop smoking as soon as possible because it's completely counterproductive to those other things, and costs too much anyway. I'm hoping to livestream more often, as well.

So what are you guys planning to do this year? <3

My flist is asquee with reversebang excitement, and rightfully so! Jesus, that was nuts. I refreshed the page at noon, no claims post. Refreshed it almost immediately after that, and the post was up with 60 comments.

I had two prompts, and they've both been claimed \o/ One was by an author I've immensely enjoyed working with before, and one is by someone (who is very friendly in emails) with an empty journal--so that's exciting, too. Mysterious! I've been in touch with both of them, and now I can relax and look forward to getting some rough draft action :3

Also, I miiiight livestream tonight--I might be working on some Sam/Kevin explicit stuff. I'll say so in my tracking journal post and when I post the notification on tumblr if it is, because I know that pairing is not everybody's cuppa.

Now, like a kid who had too much fun at the carnival, I need a nap. Maybe I'll see some of you later :)

Where have you been, badbastion? a person might inquire.

Well, that's an interesting question, badbastion might answer.

I've been packing up for a move, bleh. I've also recently gotten health insurance and have been going to a lot of appointments, and each time there's something new that they want to "keep an eye on" or put me on meds for. I've been exercising a lot (got a gym membership through insurance, and up to walking 5 miles a day, which is a big accomplishment for someone who'd prefer to sit and draw for most of the day, so I'm proud of myself there *pats self on back*) and learning how to eat better to try to take control of some problems. Diabetes? High BP? An irregularity, you say? So that's been pretty exhausting. I'm okay. Got another appointment today though, and I'm not looking forward to the little scrape part, iykwim.

I've also been arting! I've finished my art for Wincest Big Bang and spn_reversebang, yay! And I've done a little more, though I don't like posting art when I know I won't be able to answer comments. I might post it anyway and just leave an A/N about it, idk.

WHO ELSE IS EXCITED FOR THE REVERSEBANG CLAIMS???

A/N: I may not be around to answer comments on this post, lol.

*I FIXED MY TABLET.

*I FIXED MY TABLETTTT

*every bone in my body says LIVESTREAM TOMORROW

*Signed up for

spn_j2_bigbang! I got my first choice with a really great-sounding story, and my author is super nice and friendly! And most of the other ones I was interested in were claimed by super artists, and i'm already looking forward to seeing the end results @_@ (There were SO many excellent-sounding stories; my first narrowed-down list was almost twenty summaries long, and it was all sam/dean. You authors have outdone yourselves!)

*If you are an artist for the bigbang, there is an art beta post at

omgspnbigbang right here. Sign up as a possible art beta or bookmark it for later! I've never seen a thing like that, and I think it's really cool :3 I have signed up offering my beta services for, among other things, "advice on genitals and butts and realism of positioning" Jesus, I shouldn't leave serious comments when I'm giddy, lol.

*Not signed up for enough bigbangs? This may ameliorate your low bigbang levels:

Sign ups open Sunday, May 5 for the first round of

wincest_bigbang.
A fanfic and fanart challenge dedicated to the Winchester family!!!
Schedule
Author Sign Ups | Artist Sign Ups

Signups start today! but I accidentally signed up a few days ago because I'm a dork, haha.

*I love summer-themed commentfic/art memes! Here is one that just started:

I think that's it. Now I'm so emotionally exhausted I need a nap, lol. MY EXCHANGE ART. MY LANGUISHING WIPS. MY DIGITAL PAINTBRUSH. I'll have to keep messing with traditional, but man. adsfikhja;sdf

*I've decided that this week will be podfic week! If you don't care for podfics, sorry, lol. I've been raiding

salt_burn_porn because this last round was fantastic, so I've got a handful of short-ish podfics to post. Gotta record one more, and I'll be set.

*My tablet's still dead. I just can't get up the nerve to try to fix it myself. I may have to wait until my birthday to see if I get some birthday money, so I can send it off to be fixed, because I can't fit the repair cost into my budget realistically. I just feel generally frustrated about art, so I've been podficcing instead, but next week I'm going to try to get back into the swing of drawing every day.

*I am feeling better. Doing spring cleaning to get rid of whatever dust and cat hair I can, because just allergies alone have been sapping the life out of me. So that means I'm finally finishing unpacking my room, six months after the move. yaaaay spring cleaning

*Now allow me to pimp a few things!

( 4 banners under the cut! Sammy, Charlie, Tentacles, Hannibal )