badbastion

So, we got moved in and are still unpacking. We're most of the way done, just getting the last touches. The drive up here was pretty uneventful, save for the part where we had to put the cats in their carrier for the trip and they freaked the fuck out and started hissing and growling like little wild things. It was scary; I was afraid they'd be forever changed, but they calmed down after a few days in the new apartment, and are back to normal now, phew!

We've finally got internet! It was tough going so long without it, but hey, we got a lot of unpacking done, lol. There is no waaaay I'm ever going to catch up on my flist backlog, so if there's anything I should know about, please link me to the post :)

In other news, my grandmother died the day before we moved. She hung on for a few painful days in the hospital, and it was almost a relief when she passed. She was really not doing well, in a lot of pain and almost completely unresponsive by the end. I'm glad I got to see her while she was still lucid, and to tell her I loved her and hear her tell me back. I missed her memorial, but my mother tells me it was lovely. I did get to go to a big family lunch the day she passed away, so I was able to see a lot of my big extended family before I left. So, good things and bad things. I'll miss my Memaw. She was a really big part of my life growing up, and though we drifted apart as I grew into adulthood and I never saw her as often as I should have, I still loved her a lot. But she lived a long, full life, leaving something like 7 children, 12 grandchildren, and 6 great-grandchildren who all loved her behind. I'm coping better than expected. Maybe it just hasn't really hit me yet, in the midst of all the moving chaos. Or maybe I've already grieved and don't realize it. I mostly wish I could be there for my mom, who's really broken up over her passing.

So flist, how are you doing? How's things? What big fandom events am I missing out on? I've missed you guys! <3

(P.S. Happy birthday to dolnmoon!!! I hope you have a fantastic day :) Hugs and kisses!)

So, after being robbed at gunpoint in the parking lot of my apartment complex, my boyfriend and I decided we needed to get the fuck out of here. His mother is helping us with some moving costs, and she also helped me compose the letter to the office explaining that we need to leave and asking that we be released from the remainder of the lease.

Good news! Not only did they waive the last month and a half of the lease, they're letting us just pay up to our move-out date (Sept. 15) instead of the full month of September. So that gives us a little extra to cover electric deposit, and maybe internet start-up costs. I don't remember how much these things are... we'll find out today when J calls.

I've been all over the place emotionally/mentally. I've been sleeping in like, 2-4 hour shifts, and the amount of shifts I have each day varies. I fall asleep, and then I wake up, all groggy and grumpy. We've been packing and cleaning, and I have days where I work all day and it feels like I've gotten nothing done. But I also have satisfying days when it feels like I got a good chunk of work done.

When I can't sleep at night I watch shitty horror movies on Netflix lol. I have seen some stinkers in the past two weeks, haha. I've been trying to watch Stranger Things because I hear good things about it, but I just can't concentrate enough to remember what's happened in past episodes, piece things together in a 13-episode series. I'll probably watch it when we get to the new town we're moving to.

If you want my new address, leave me a comment or send me a PM. We'll be there on the 16th of this month.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up with LJ lately. I hope everyone's doing okay, and that fandom is still chugging along. I've already packed my tablet and my laptop, and I don't have any fics I'm working on, and I'm a little sad that SPN fandom is not so important to me right now.

I think I'm really depressed. Even before the robbery I was listless and sleeping too much and I just didn't give a damn about a lot of stuff that I really should give a damn about, and since the robbery it's been even worse. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to get restless at night, and now I just can't make myself go outside after dark, so all I can do is like, pace around and try to find things to do. I usually can find something to do - it's not like there's not a lot of packing and cleaning yet to be done - but it's unsatisfying. I'd much rather take a drive.

I am looking forward to being moved, though. We're moving from the 2nd most dangerous city in Texas to a town where people still leave their doors unlocked, and there's like, almost zero crime. Maybe a few thefts a year. Plus the place we're moving to has a nice public swimming pool with good adult swim hours, a lot of good thrift shops, lots of lakes and rivers within close driving distance, low cost of living, and a good mental health support system. We'll also be on the bottom floor of an apt. complex instead of the top floor, so I can play my dance games. I wish we were there already.

Anyway, I miss you guys, and I hope to be more active in fandom again once we get settled in. Love your faces <3

I'm alive, I swear!

I've had three people ask about me in the past week, so I figure it's time for a brief update.

I've been kind of taking a break from my computer. It feels like I've been sick forever when in reality I've been sick, then gotten better, then gotten sick again over and over. Right now I feel like I've got pneumonia or the flu or something, but I don't have a fever, just everything else. So it hasn't been all sick days, but enough that I'm constantly worn down. I've also been depressed like nobody's business. So all socializing, internet or rl, has been unappealing to me. I keep hoping I'll come out of this funk and have a few *up* days to balance it out, but if wishes were fishes, you know? As it is now, I spend most of my time sleeping and/or listening to horror podcasts/audiobooks.

I know I have outstanding commissions. I fully intend to get to them asap. Things have just conspired to keep me art-blocked and tired and not in any good mental place to be creative. I'm so sorry for the delay, those of you who have been waiting.

My Christmas day was good thanks for my boyfriend being awesome, and my New Year's Eve was okay, but other than that, I'm glad 2015 is over. Hopefully 2016 will give me an upswing soon.

I do miss you guys, and I'm sorry I haven't been around to read and comment and participate in fannish things, or other things. Hopefully I'll be back on my feet sooner than later, and I can join the fun again.

I drank some coffee because I was tired but couldn't sleep, so I wanted to livestream, but I didn't want to pass out within 30 minutes of starting. However, my internet's acting up, so I couldn't livestream. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

I have an idea for an original story I want to write, but I don't know where to start. I know that excessive exposition infodump isn't the best way to begin a story, but I'm so used to fanfic, where everybody knows the world you're writing in, and you don't need to explain things. I guess I'll go on a "how to write o-fic tips" search soon.

Being good at art continues to elude me. I have been drawing every day, however, even if it's just for a few minutes, so I'm hoping something will catch on soon in my brain and I can get to my commissions.

Thanks for all the love on milly_gal's love meme <3<3<3 It's really made my days! :D

I guess I'm gonna read a little bit and try to get some sleep. Good night f-list!

A huge THANK YOU!!! to the people who helped me out this week. I'm constantly amazed and humbled at the kindness and generosity that can be found in fandom. I've tried to thank everyone personally, but in two cases I couldn't, so: thank you too, I really, really appreciate it and it really helps out a lot.

Without your help, we might be sitting in the dark with no A/C in the south, which is just asking for a heatstroke. We even have some left over for groceries :D

So once again, thank you so much for your help. You all are lifesavers <3

Thank you SO MUCH everyone, for the birthday messages and comments and picspam and v-gifts and delicious fic. I had a good day :) I got steak and broccoli and cake and a balloon and a brand new, loud and strong as fuck box fan, and my panic attack at the restaurant was only very mild and short, lol, and I managed not to cry! I think this was the first birthday in 10 years I didn't cry for some reason or another. So it went down as an A+ day for me :D:D:D

Yesterday I ate my leftovers and some more cake, and cleaned the house some, and tried unsuccessfully to work on commissions. I did finish a podfic, though. And I got all my laundry done.

I've got alot of crap to do tomorrow, including picking up meds, going to the food stamps office for an appointment, cleaning the house better because I think our A/C's going out and we're going to have to get the maintenance men in poking around, so. And there's no way we can deal with no air in June in southern Arkansas, so we've got to get them in ASAP. And, I need to get back to work on commissions after all that.

But no cleaning today. I need a day to recharge and do like, nothing. I'll probably do some of the nothingat my mom's house, where their air works and they keep it nice and cool. I might do a livestream later, or in a few minutes, depending on when I want to go over there. Just some random stuff probably, maybe porn, idk. I might try to draw and find out that nothing comes out, but at least for once it'll be at a decent hour, lol! Instead of 3 am when I can't sleep haha

The "Yawn" has nothing to do with the Love Meme!

( a little rambling, some personal stuff )

The love meme has really been a nice boost though, oh man, and it's really helped me out <3 Thank you for all the kind things you've said! It's such a beautiful idea, and I love reading all the comments everyone leaves for everyone. I need to go and look at it again and see who else has posted since last I checked. If you're in there and I missed you, I still love you! I love all you guys <3 The SPN community is so wonderful :)

Thank you all for your help, kindness and good thoughts. You've really helped me out, and I can't say how much I appreciate it. You guys are the best.

I got so many lovely messages and gifts yesterday! Thanks to everyone who sent me a birthday message, and thanks to milly_gal for the picspam, thanks to amber1960 for the adorable picture, thanks to dont_hate_me01 for the v-gift, and thanks to dolnmoon and memoonster for the gift :D

I'm settling in to my new place still, and it was wonderful to be able to spend my birthday with my family. I slept in, watched a little Walking Dead, had Chinese lunch with my sister, watched my nephews play in the pool (and yelled at them for putting sand in it lol) and then invented the Butt Cannon with them (farts flying in everyone's faces!!!), had burgers for dinner, cuddled extensively with my boyfriend (who's working his first week at his new job, yay!) then had cake while I forced my mom and sister to watch Teen Wolf with me, lol. We're about to get to the Season 2 finale, and they were so eager to find out what the (thing) was and (who) was (what)ing it. It got me all excited too. (I've tried to sell them on Supernatural, but it's 2spooky for my sister.)

I also want to draw your attention to a new comm!

So, we're in the apartment, we've got the truck unloaded and returned, and we've got a lot of boxes to unpack. So the hard part is over, yay! We're out of the toxic and dangerous environment we were in, and it already feels so much better. I've been visiting with my family, and I actually get to spend Mother's Day with my mom :)

We don't have internet yet, and I'm not sure when we'll get it. I'm borrowing my sister's computer right now. I hope we get hooked up soon, because I'm going through withdrawals, lol. So, I won't be around much for a while. I guess there is a good side to it; without distracting internets, I'll be able to focus on unpacking.

Thank you all again for your help; we couldn't have gotten here without you. I appreciate it so much, you don't even know. You're all amazing <3