Update on things, I babble a little

[badbastion]

So, after being robbed at gunpoint in the parking lot of my apartment complex, my boyfriend and I decided we needed to get the fuck out of here. His mother is helping us with some moving costs, and she also helped me compose the letter to the office explaining that we need to leave and asking that we be released from the remainder of the lease.

Good news! Not only did they waive the last month and a half of the lease, they're letting us just pay up to our move-out date (Sept. 15) instead of the full month of September. So that gives us a little extra to cover electric deposit, and maybe internet start-up costs. I don't remember how much these things are... we'll find out today when J calls.

I've been all over the place emotionally/mentally. I've been sleeping in like, 2-4 hour shifts, and the amount of shifts I have each day varies. I fall asleep, and then I wake up, all groggy and grumpy. We've been packing and cleaning, and I have days where I work all day and it feels like I've gotten nothing done. But I also have satisfying days when it feels like I got a good chunk of work done.

When I can't sleep at night I watch shitty horror movies on Netflix lol. I have seen some stinkers in the past two weeks, haha. I've been trying to watch Stranger Things because I hear good things about it, but I just can't concentrate enough to remember what's happened in past episodes, piece things together in a 13-episode series. I'll probably watch it when we get to the new town we're moving to.

If you want my new address, leave me a comment or send me a PM. We'll be there on the 16th of this month.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up with LJ lately. I hope everyone's doing okay, and that fandom is still chugging along. I've already packed my tablet and my laptop, and I don't have any fics I'm working on, and I'm a little sad that SPN fandom is not so important to me right now.

I think I'm really depressed. Even before the robbery I was listless and sleeping too much and I just didn't give a damn about a lot of stuff that I really should give a damn about, and since the robbery it's been even worse. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to get restless at night, and now I just can't make myself go outside after dark, so all I can do is like, pace around and try to find things to do. I usually can find something to do - it's not like there's not a lot of packing and cleaning yet to be done - but it's unsatisfying. I'd much rather take a drive.

I am looking forward to being moved, though. We're moving from the 2nd most dangerous city in Texas to a town where people still leave their doors unlocked, and there's like, almost zero crime. Maybe a few thefts a year. Plus the place we're moving to has a nice public swimming pool with good adult swim hours, a lot of good thrift shops, lots of lakes and rivers within close driving distance, low cost of living, and a good mental health support system. We'll also be on the bottom floor of an apt. complex instead of the top floor, so I can play my dance games. I wish we were there already.

Anyway, I miss you guys, and I hope to be more active in fandom again once we get settled in. Love your faces <3

Comments

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Your new town sounds wonderful, it's not surprising you can't wait to settle in there! I hope it will become your permanent home and you and your man will be very happy there. You know, what you are feeling right now might not be depression at all but a kind of PTSD because you have, don't forget, been through a traumatic experience. Just because you weren't injured doesn't mean it wasn't a horrible and frightening thing to go through, so give yourself a little slack. It will probably take a while for you to really appreciate the new safety and comfort of your new place too, but I'm sure you will be able to relax eventually. And hopefully start drawing and writing again (because spn_reversebang is starting soon, just sayin'...).

xxx

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

I'm really looking forward to it. And you're right, it might be some PTSD that's got me all out of whack. I keep downplaying the event in my head, trying to tell myself it wasn't THAT bad, it could have been a LOT worse, but I do need to remember that yeah, it actually was bad. And I need to take care of myself a little better, probably. It's just kind of hard with all the packing and cleaning and planning and phone calls lol, I'll probably take a loooong break once we get in the new apartment. And hopefully start drawing and writing again : )

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Well you are right, it could have been worse, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't react to it at all, you know? Blimey, if I can still be a tiny bit traumatised by a bolshy kid in a bus stop throwing a lit match in my hair back when I was about fourteen (with exactly zero damage to my person other than the shock of an unprovoked attack) then I think you are entitled to be feeling unsettled by an actual theft and threat to your person with a frigging KNIFE.

That being said, you were unharmed, and that is awesome. So it's one of those weird things where you can be simultaneously traumatised and grateful. Swings and roundabouts.

It's good to have something to look forward to as well - so here's to that nice rest you'll have earned by the time all the moving is done!

[vyperdd.livejournal.com]

Best of luck with the move and starting afresh. Sounds like you are moving to an awesome place.

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much <3 It's a really beautiful little city in the mountains, and I can't wait to be there.

[sw0rdy.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the move! Sounds like it could be a good thing for you. Xx

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you <3 I think it will be.

[geckoholic]

Oh man, I hope things will be looking up for you soon, after the move, and that you'll feel better. :) Good luck!

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Love your icon.

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

New place sounds really promising!! I hope once you are there, some of the fear and all will face, and that you can feel better over all *HUGS* Fandom is here, and you can always dip your toe in when you're ready :-)

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm really really hoping I'll feel safe going outside once I get there. Thank you *hugs back*

[adelheide.livejournal.com]

I'm so pleased for you! I think once you are out of that threatening environment, a lot of stuff will settle internally for you. It's hard to be at your best when you are constantly worried about your safety.

*hugs stuffing out of you*

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

eep, my stuffing! *hugs you back* I think a lot will settle too, and besides, right now I[m under the stress of packing and cleaning and taking care of everything that needs taken care of with a deadline, and that's not helping. I think once we get to the new place I'll be able to breathe a lot easier.

[sillie]

The new place you're moving too sounds wonderful. Good luck with the move!!

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[matchboximpala.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear that you are moving to a safer, saner place! Moving is always an adjustment, but I hope that this new environment gives you the boost you need.

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I hope so too. I think it will - maybe not immediately, but once I get settled in :)