Yaaaawn + Love Meme <3

[badbastion]

The "Yawn" has nothing to do with the Love Meme!

So I got about 3 hours of sleep, but now I can't go back to bed because I'm waiting on a package from a friend. My bf went to bed a bit ago, and once he gets up I'm going back to sleep. Sleeping in shifts, yay.

So now I'm eating ramen noodles (waiting for them to cool down actually) and trying to figure out what to do today. Livestream some porn? record a podfic? livestream while I record a podfic (I've sat in on a few of those, and they were fun, but I don't know if anyone would come) (but then again not many people have been coming to my art LSes either, and I can't figure out why o: ) Clean the house? work on my masterpost? post some stuff to my patreon page today? i need to get around to making up WIP strips of my last few pics. watch some American Horror Story? so many options, and yet I'm just too tired to decide, lol.

In the mental health department, I've been doing... better than April. I've been having a lot of panic attacks though, and I need to talk to my doc, because I think maybe my body's gotten too used to the Valium and it doesn't really work any more. Same thing happened to me with clonazepam a few years ago, which is why I switched. I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday. I spent most of it bawling my eyes out. The depression is still kicking me down a bit, but I'm kind of used to it. Doesn't make it suck any less, though. I've been thinking about going off my meds for a while, just to see if I could get some of that good ol' manic energy back, but I tell myself I'm too smart and responsible for that. (ETA: not actually going to go off my meds, more like just fantasizing about it, don't worry!)

Maybe I should put this in the personal filter, but it's not TOO too personal.

Which, btw, I've made quite a few new friends since I set up that filter. If you'd like to be included in it - I talk about mental illness, alcoholism, and some triggery personal stuff - let me know, and if I'm familiar enough with you or if we seem to have some things in common, I'll happily add you. I don't post super-often in that filter. Also, if you're in the filter and don't want to be any more, let me know and I'll take you out, no feelings hurt <3


The love meme has really been a nice boost though, oh man, and it's really helped me out <3 Thank you for all the kind things you've said! It's such a beautiful idea, and I love reading all the comments everyone leaves for everyone. I need to go and look at it again and see who else has posted since last I checked. If you're in there and I missed you, I still love you! I love all you guys <3 The SPN community is so wonderful :)

Comments

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

The main thing is that you did get a lift when you needed it hun *hugs* and believe me, I never realised how badly I needed that huge elation from the love!meme, it did me no end of good!

Perhaps coming off the meds, not a great idea hun, especially seen as you'll have to let them filter back in to your system if you do decide you need them back, but, it's ultimately your choice hun, here for whatever you decide *hugs*

Hope you manage to get some sleep soon!

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

I know, it really was a lift :)

Ah, I don't think I'd actually stop taking my meds. It's more of a... idk, like a fantasy? I remember how I used to feel when I was more manic and less stable, and sometimes I felt really good. But I was also kind of a danger to myself. I know it's not a good idea, which is why I'm staying on them. But I think it's time to talk to the doc about changing them again, maybe :/

I'll get some sleep later :) My bf doesn't usually sleep for very long anyway, and the package might come in a few hours when the postal service usually runs and once it gets here I can just crash :)

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

I remember the thing with my ex's meds, he used to get so used to them he'd feel like they weren't working and convince himself to come off them and then all hell would break loose, but that's a completely different matter, he was on a cocktail of anti-psychotics and anti-depressants, and he was on them for our health as well as his own O_o *hugs*

Maybe it's time they looked at the combo's because you do eventually become not immune but desensitized to their effects.

Currently listening to Steve'n'Seagulls and chilling, but sleep sounds quite good right now, however I am making with the spn icons...maybe sleep later ;)

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't stay up for days at a time, and I don't do other weird things I won't mention here, that's how I know they're still working. I just feel like they're depressing my whole system though, like, knocking my sine wave down a few notches on the y-axis, if that makes any sense? Too tired, depressed more often than I used to be. It was good for a while to not feel crazy crazy, but sometimes I miss it. I'm on anti-psychotics too, and I know it's bad to come off them, especially cold turkey.

Steve'n'Seagulls, that's hilarious XD

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

It makes total sense, a couple of my friends out here in the scary space (rl) describe it as a dulling of their senses, and they suffer quite badly with a white out at the edges, as in they don't feel any where near as sharp, but then one of them will remind the other than it's a far cry from those things you don't wanna mention here, and it's easier to come up than 'down' which is subjective I 'spose. Like I said, whatever you pick hun, it's your system, *hugs*

Okay now Hayseed Dixie, pour some sugar on me, and it IS a fantastic hillbillie cover :D