Things what happen

[badbastion]

My Christmas was............. okay lol. I gave my bf some good gifts, got some good gifts in return, including some cute plushies that I'm sleeping with now and a pair of Squirtle slippers. The problem was, we exchanged presents more than a week before xmas, so on the day, we didn't ahve much to do. We had some hanburger helper, and I took two naps, which I probably shouldn't have done.

One of the things I got him for xmas was a set of bento boxes and books and accoutrements, with the promise that I'd start making bento lunches for us. Bento lunches are good for veggie forcing and portion control, both of which we need. I haven't made bento lunches every day, but I have on several days, and he's been gratifyingly impressed by the presentation and content. Even though the very first one had WAAAAAY too much salt on the rice balls lol.

I've taken pics of some of them, and I'll share them soon. Some of them have turned out pretty cute :3 It's nice to be able to use my creative urges, even if it's not in the arena I'd like to use them in.

I go back to work on Friday, after my boss giving me two weeks off work for the meds to kick in again. I was able to get back on my antipsychotic after a visit to the free Christian Clinic in town (and a doctor who didn't believe me at first about how nuts I was...... eventually I had to show him my self-harm scars (he asked me to show him), and after that he was all concern and compassion @__@ How mortifying and scary! But at least it had good results.) I'm still off one of my antidepressants, and my therapist tells me not to worry, I feel off because I *am* off, and I'll feel better once I get back on that one after the beginning of them month when I get meds coverage again. *phew* I'm tired of feeling crazy.

But I better not fel too crazy, bc I work Fri, Sat, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri. I don't think I can get away with going home early or calling in any more. I have a feeling I've stretched my boss's goodwill to the breaking point, and I really appreciate her concern and understanding, but I don't think I can p ush it much further. I'll just have to do the best I can.

I guess if I have to call in or go home early, I have to. But my therpaist says that's negative imagery, and that I should focus on the positive. Like, wow, I actually can go into work and work a few hours without wanting to scream until my lungs explode and throw sauce all over the floor and steal from the till and do anything I can to get fired on the spot lol. Mannnnn, I was having some serious almost-unavoidable compulsions while I was off my meds @__@ It took almost all I had to keep from doing crazy things.

But yeah, that's where I am right now. I go back to my meds doc on the 5th of Jan to get back on my normal meds, and then it'll take a little while for me to readjust, and then hopefully I'll be "normal" again. Hopefully. Normal. *phew*

Comments

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

At the very least she gave you the time bb, she seems a reasonable and compassionate person. I hope that you manage okay on Friday, nothing makes you feel worse than feeling like you're letting the side down. Which you are NOT, but I know that's how you feel *many many hugs*

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm really grateful she gave the the time off : ) She really does seem that way! *hugs back* I got lucky to have a boss like her.

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

I think one of the really helpful things we worked on in therapy was structure. Structure to help keep things on a more even keel, structure to lean on when things are not good. I don;t feel like going to work/etc etc, but I do it because it;s my structure and I've learned things will be better when I stick to it. Does that make sense? So hopefully being back to work will help you now. Part of it is just getting out of our own heads sometimes, part is realizing we can be competent and that we have value. It's easy to lose sight of that in the morass of illness. (ha, reference my last couple of days posts...)

I've been struggling this week because of sickness/bad sleep/more etc, but it actually doesn't help that the dojo is closed, so a big part of my structure is gone. I mean, I couldn't work anyway because I am sick, but the point is that for whatever reason, no structure. And with being sick, not even able to enjoy time off :-P

ANyway, I wanted to share that with you. :-) I'm so glad you had some good times in there, and I thnnk the bento idea is terrific. I love looking at bentos so do post :-)

*many hugs*

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Yeah structure is good.

I'm sorry you've been ill! That really sucks. And it doesn't help that it's around the holidays.

It will be good to be back at work again. I also had a pretty regular schedule, and I think it's one I'm going to keep - work a few hours a day Tues-Fri, off Sat-Mon. I go to Phoenix House, a mental health day treatment facility, on Mondays, so there's more structure for me : ) I think that once I get back into the groove of things I'll be doing a lot better. My boss has been really good about making me feel like I have value, like telling me she'd rather have me off for two weeks, please don't quit the job, we need you! It felt good to hear that.

*many hugs back* Thank you!

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

Back on track! Well done - I'm so glad you found the help you needed! Now you can just be as crazy as the rest of us - normal crazy and hopefully non-self-destructive. (((hugs)))

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad I found the help too : ) Haha, yeah, normal crazy is the way to be *thumbs up*

*hugs!!!*

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

So good to read that you're getting back on track, and I'm glad your Manager has been reasonable about your situation xx

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Yeah, I'm glad too, she's such a sweetie :) *hugs*

[sillie]

Ooh, bento boxes. I'd love to see pictures of the ones you created. :D

So glad to hear you're getting back on track. <3 *hugs*

[badbastion.livejournal.com]

I'll post up soon! They're very amateurish right now, but I hope to get better over time : )

Thank you! <3 *hugs back*