badbastion: (Default)
How is everybody doing? I haven't posted in over a week, I think, and that feels like so long when for a while I was posting like, every other day.

I'm doing fine : ) Due to a schedule mixup, I have four days off in a row! \o/ I'm gonna be SWIMMING ALL THE TIME.

I've now managed to lose 13 pounds, through a combination of tracking my food on MyFitnessPal and exercising more. If you're on MFP and want to be friends, just friend me and I'll friend you back : )  My username there is imlikat. Or you could leave me your username here, and I'll go find you!

I've signed up for two stories for the wipbigbang. (I've already got work done on the first story, and I just now signed up for the second one and am waiting for conformation/draft) They're in fandoms I've never drawn for, so it's both scary and exciting. I just need to branch out a little bit, I think that there actually is such a thing as drawing too much SPN porn, lol. That, combined with my depression, pretty much killed my drive to draw. But it feels so good to be drawing again!

The wipbigbang still has something like 15 stories in various fandoms that need artists. They're on Round 5 (5!!!) of claiming, so if they don't get claimed now, they might not get art : ( You can go to this post here to check out summaries for stories that have yet to be claimed. Go! See if there's anything you might want to art for : )

My medication finally seems to be working like it's supposed to : D I've felt... actually kind of normal for the last few weeks. Not too depressed, not too manic, just somewhere in between. So, normal, lol. It's a nice feeling, and it's one I'm cherishing while it's here, because I know my diseases, and I know tomorrow could see me balls to the wall manic or deathly depressed with no warning. lol, balls to the wall, what kind of saying is that?

SO, how are you, f-list?

badbastion: (default)
My Christmas was............. okay lol. I gave my bf some good gifts, got some good gifts in return, including some cute plushies that I'm sleeping with now and a pair of Squirtle slippers. The problem was, we exchanged presents more than a week before xmas, so on the day, we didn't ahve much to do. We had some hanburger helper, and I took two naps, which I probably shouldn't have done.

One of the things I got him for xmas was a set of bento boxes and books and accoutrements, with the promise that I'd start making bento lunches for us. Bento lunches are good for veggie forcing and portion control, both of which we need. I haven't made bento lunches every day, but I have on several days, and he's been gratifyingly impressed by the presentation and content. Even though the very first one had WAAAAAY too much salt on the rice balls lol.

I've taken pics of some of them, and I'll share them soon. Some of them have turned out pretty cute :3 It's nice to be able to use my creative urges, even if it's not in the arena I'd like to use them in.

I go back to work on Friday, after my boss giving me two weeks off work for the meds to kick in again. I was able to get back on my antipsychotic after a visit to the free Christian Clinic in town (and a doctor who didn't believe me at first about how nuts I was...... eventually I had to show him my self-harm scars (he asked me to show him), and after that he was all concern and compassion @__@ How mortifying and scary! But at least it had good results.) I'm still off one of my antidepressants, and my therapist tells me not to worry, I feel off because I *am* off, and I'll feel better once I get back on that one after the beginning of them month when I get meds coverage again. *phew* I'm tired of feeling crazy.

But I better not fel too crazy, bc I work Fri, Sat, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri. I don't think I can get away with going home early or calling in any more. I have a feeling I've stretched my boss's goodwill to the breaking point, and I really appreciate her concern and understanding, but I don't think I can p ush it much further. I'll just have to do the best I can.

I guess if I have to call in or go home early, I have to. But my therpaist says that's negative imagery, and that I should focus on the positive. Like, wow, I actually can go into work and work a few hours without wanting to scream until my lungs explode and throw sauce all over the floor and steal from the till and do anything I can to get fired on the spot lol. Mannnnn, I was having some serious almost-unavoidable compulsions while I was off my meds @__@ It took almost all I had to keep from doing crazy things.

But yeah, that's where I am right now. I go back to my meds doc on the 5th of Jan to get back on my normal meds, and then it'll take a little while for me to readjust, and then hopefully I'll be "normal" again. Hopefully. Normal. *phew*
badbastion: (default)
So, after being robbed at gunpoint in the parking lot of my apartment complex, my boyfriend and I decided we needed to get the fuck out of here. His mother is helping us with some moving costs, and she also helped me compose the letter to the office explaining that we need to leave and asking that we be released from the remainder of the lease.

Good news! Not only did they waive the last month and a half of the lease, they're letting us just pay up to our move-out date (Sept. 15) instead of the full month of September. So that gives us a little extra to cover electric deposit, and maybe internet start-up costs. I don't remember how much these things are... we'll find out today when J calls.

I've been all over the place emotionally/mentally. I've been sleeping in like, 2-4 hour shifts, and the amount of shifts I have each day varies. I fall asleep, and then I wake up, all groggy and grumpy. We've been packing and cleaning, and I have days where I work all day and it feels like I've gotten nothing done. But I also have satisfying days when it feels like I got a good chunk of work done.

When I can't sleep at night I watch shitty horror movies on Netflix lol. I have seen some stinkers in the past two weeks, haha. I've been trying to watch Stranger Things because I hear good things about it, but I just can't concentrate enough to remember what's happened in past episodes, piece things together in a 13-episode series. I'll probably watch it when we get to the new town we're moving to.

If you want my new address, leave me a comment or send me a PM. We'll be there on the 16th of this month.

Sadly, I haven't been able to keep up with LJ lately. I hope everyone's doing okay, and that fandom is still chugging along. I've already packed my tablet and my laptop, and I don't have any fics I'm working on, and I'm a little sad that SPN fandom is not so important to me right now.

I think I'm really depressed. Even before the robbery I was listless and sleeping too much and I just didn't give a damn about a lot of stuff that I really should give a damn about, and since the robbery it's been even worse. It doesn't help that I have a tendency to get restless at night, and now I just can't make myself go outside after dark, so all I can do is like, pace around and try to find things to do. I usually can find something to do - it's not like there's not a lot of packing and cleaning yet to be done - but it's unsatisfying. I'd much rather take a drive.

I am looking forward to being moved, though. We're moving from the 2nd most dangerous city in Texas to a town where people still leave their doors unlocked, and there's like, almost zero crime. Maybe a few thefts a year. Plus the place we're moving to has a nice public swimming pool with good adult swim hours, a lot of good thrift shops, lots of lakes and rivers within close driving distance, low cost of living, and a good mental health support system. We'll also be on the bottom floor of an apt. complex instead of the top floor, so I can play my dance games. I wish we were there already.

Anyway, I miss you guys, and I hope to be more active in fandom again once we get settled in. Love your faces <3
badbastion: (default)
I'm alive, I swear!

I've had three people ask about me in the past week, so I figure it's time for a brief update.

I've been kind of taking a break from my computer. It feels like I've been sick forever when in reality I've been sick, then gotten better, then gotten sick again over and over. Right now I feel like I've got pneumonia or the flu or something, but I don't have a fever, just everything else. So it hasn't been all sick days, but enough that I'm constantly worn down. I've also been depressed like nobody's business. So all socializing, internet or rl, has been unappealing to me. I keep hoping I'll come out of this funk and have a few *up* days to balance it out, but if wishes were fishes, you know? As it is now, I spend most of my time sleeping and/or listening to horror podcasts/audiobooks.

I know I have outstanding commissions. I fully intend to get to them asap. Things have just conspired to keep me art-blocked and tired and not in any good mental place to be creative. I'm so sorry for the delay, those of you who have been waiting.

My Christmas day was good thanks for my boyfriend being awesome, and my New Year's Eve was okay, but other than that, I'm glad 2015 is over. Hopefully 2016 will give me an upswing soon.

I do miss you guys, and I'm sorry I haven't been around to read and comment and participate in fannish things, or other things. Hopefully I'll be back on my feet sooner than later, and I can join the fun again.


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